The owner of a small deli was being
questioned by the IRS about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of
$80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a
dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a
year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these
deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also
deliver."
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by
the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?"
asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out
and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife.
"I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"
Funny sayings
Honk if parts fall off
Keep honking... I'm reloading (the gun)!
Beer... now cheaper than gasoline... so don't drive... drink!
Stupidity is not a handicap; park elsewhere!
Answer my prayers... Steal this car!
I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving
Wife and dog missing; reward for dog
My wife gives me sound advice; 99% sound, 1% advice
Love him like a king; train him like a dog
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman!
We need to talk, so don't interrupt!
I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out
